If a man will not work, he shall not eat.…
“Why is he ignoring me?” Are you asking yourself this…
Figure out the things to say to the one you love that tells them you care for them deeply. Sayings don’t always have to be romantic or sugary sweet for them to be well received. A little romance can go a long way, but it is important to let your loved one know that you respect him or her and want to learn more about what he or she is thinking.
According to a survey from earlier this year, people say “I love you,” around five months into a relationship. Although this doesn’t mean that feelings aren’t realized or you’re not showing your partner you love them before this mark, in this modern day of romance, five months seem like a respectable amount of time to have passed before dropping the L-word.
Saying “I love you” isn’t always easy. While some cultures say it all the time and want to hear it all the time (France!), other cultures struggle with saying it all (Netherlands!), let alone on a regular basis. Those are some powerful words and depending on where you are in a relationship, it can either seal the deal or have your partner running for the door if they’re not quite ready. But while that may be the case, that doesn’t mean you can’t say other things to make your partner feel loved.
Why don’t we speak the love that we feel? You want your spouse to know you love them, but you keep it to yourself. Why? Speak up! Here’s how!
1. “I’m Proud Of You”
No matter what’s going on in your partner’s life, telling them that you’re proud of them can really make them feel loved. This is most especially true when they’re having a difficult time of things. It shows ultimate support.
2. What can I get you? – This simple line conveys a real sense of care and concern. Whether you are at the store on your way home, going to the store, caring for them when they are sick, or just getting up from the couch to go to the kitchen, demonstrating that you are not only thinking of yourself but your significant other as well conveys a powerful message to them that they matter to you.
3. “You Make Me Want To Be A Better Person”
Although I realized this line is stolen from As Good As it Gets and tweaked a bit, it’s still a very powerful thing to say. Very few people we know make us want to be better people, so when we come across those people who do and we tell them, it’s going to make their heart soar.
4. I am grateful you’re in my life. – This conveys to them a deep sense of appreciation. It offers how much meaning there is to their presence and decision to be with you on this road of life. It represents the true nature of a partnership and that you are thankful for it.
5. “I Love The Person I Am When I’m With You”
There’s no other great compliment in the world that telling the person you love that you love who you are when you’re with them. I mean, there just isn’t. It’s basically code for, “I love more than I’ll ever love anyone else in the world.”
6. “Are You OK?”
I realize this might seem a little boring, but it’s important to check in with your partner, because it not only shows you care, but that you love them. Whether you ask them how their day was, what they’re thinking, or just about the general welfare of their mind and body, it lets them know you give a damn.
7. You are beautiful inside and out. – This conveys to them total acceptance. Everyone has insecurities. When someone says this to you, if even for a moment, it can wash away those insecurities. Putting them at ease and at peace will be a huge benefit to what you experience out of the relationship.
8. “You Inspire Me”
While not everyone wants to be a muse, people do like to know that they inspire others, especially if that other is their partner. It’s evidence of how important they are to you.
9. Thank you for all that you do. – This conveys to them a complete sense acknowledgment and respect. Whether it is for washing the car, doing the laundry, paying the bills, making dinner, caring for the kids, cleaning the house, working long hours or any of the million other things we each have to do every day. Taking a sincere moment to wholeheartedly say thank you can be a HUGE positive for any relationship.
10. You turn me on. – This conveys to them that they are attractive and sexy. While not necessary for all relationships, intimacy can be a huge connecting and strengthening point. To let your significant other know they are desired emotionally, mentally and sexually by you is a big way to keep any relationship fresh and exciting.
11. “I Genuinely Appreciate You”
Although I do think you can’t go wrong by thanking your partner for all the good they do for you and bring to your life, I also think that telling them that you truly genuinely appreciate them brings that gratefulness to another level. You’re not just thankful, but appreciative, too. People love to be appreciated.
12. “I’m Sorry”
Want to really let your partner know you love them? Admit when you’re wrong and say you’re sorry.
13. “I’ll Always Have Your Back”
Not only are you saying that your partner will forever have your support, but if push comes to shove, they can count on you being in their corner. You’re a team; it’s you two against the world.
14. “No One Challenges Me The Way You Do”
Similar to being one’s inspiration, people also want to know that they challenge their partner. No one wants to be in a relationship with someone where they’re so stimulation of the minds. Telling your partner that they give you a run for your money, is telling them you love them.
15. I am here for you always – This conveys a deep sense of commitment. When one feels another is committed they will do almost anything for them. To offer this to another person is the essence of building the loyalty, trust and bond that can last a lifetime. It is often the toughest times in life that this statement is the most important.
16. “You Never Fail To Bring Out The Best In Me”
Not only does this tell your partner exactly how important they are to your happiness, but it shows them that, while you may not have been incomplete before you met them, they definitely bring something important to your life that others can not.
17. “You Got This”
Maybe it’s not very eloquent, but it gets the point across: You’re ambitious and awesome and you’re going to nail this — “this” being any number of things like an interview, deadline, or even just painting the living room another color.
18. “I Can’t Imagine Growing Old With Anyone Else”
Love means wanting to stick it out for the long run. Telling someone you want to grow old with them is telling them that your feelings are legit, strong, and will last a lifetime.
Each of these powerful statements can be so enriching to your partner and to the relationship as a whole. Remember, a happy, peaceful, secure partner is a very big part of a satisfying relationship for you. Conveying what you feel in your heart that uplifts another is potent and karmic for everything you are looking to feel and experience back. You must give what you truly desire to receive. Being able to say these wonderful things can lead to incalculable positive results for your relationship and your life as a whole. Enriching in the highest sense.
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How Much PDA Is Too Much PDA?
Public display of affection (PDA) isn’t for everyone.
There is a delicate science to knowing when it’s OK to engage in public displays of affection with your partner.
I’m going to be straight with you: I’ve never been a fan of PDA. Holding hands and the occasional kiss are fine, but anything more than that is vom-worthy. My friend recently sent me a (40-second long) Snapchat video of her friends eye-gazing and giving each other Eskimo kisses at a local cafe, and I immediately wanted to throw my phone against the wall. It’s not just that I’m salty because I’m single. I find it disrespectful to basically rub your relationship in people’s faces. Some couples save the touchy-feely stuff for the heat of the bedroom or the comfort of the sofa, away from prying eyes, no witnesses to yucky pet names and absentminded stroking. Some lovers, however, want the world to see.
Couples create their own boundaries on how to express their love for one another in public, but some people seem to find PDA offensive or unnecessary.
First of all, consider the concept of “public” – what does it mean? If you can’t be seen, does it matter? Does the place you choose to be affectionate make a difference? If you feel the urge to reach out and touch your lover’s hand, or anything else you can lay your mitts on, you must scout out your surroundings.
And I have to wonder why someone might be overly affectionate with their partner in public. While some people find it difficult to keep their hands off each other in the beginning phase of a relationship, others participate in PDA as a result of how comfortable they feel with one another, says sociologist Alicia Walker, Ph.D. “However, sometimes one partner engages in PDA because of insecurity in the relationship,” she explains. “They may also be signaling (consciously or subconsciously) to others that the person is ‘taken.’”
Josh, 29, believes public affection makes people come across as lacking confidence more than anything else. “When I see people all over each other, I actually question their relationship,” he says. “Why do you need to convince others of how you feel about each other? When my wife and I are out with friends, we go our separate ways and don’t sit on each other’s laps. We have nothing to prove.”
Of course, there’s no universal agreement on what is and isn’t appropriate, but there are a handful of guidelines you can follow to respectfully navigate PDA with your Significant other.
1. Figure out where you both stand.
Keeping in mind that your partner may be far more or less inclined toward PDA than you, have an honest conversation with them about how comfortable you are being physical with each other in public. “Willingness to participate in PDA is highly personal,” says Alicia Walker. “The reality is that someone’s comfort with it isn’t likely to change very much, but it’s important to understand where your partner stands.” So try not to take it personally or assume they’re ashamed of dating you if they’d prefer not to kiss in front of their friends. “While it can be frustrating to have a partner who refuses to even hold your hand in public, forcing or demanding that your partner participate in PDA will create friction,” Walker adds.
Jake, 28, experienced incompatibility with his ex in this area. “She thought I wasn’t into her because I didn’t parade her around. She made me feel like my affection didn’t count because others weren’t witnessing it, which was annoying,” he says. “I didn’t want to have to put my arm around her or hold her hand [in public] just to validate ourselves — especially when I’d go out of my way to tell her how into her I was.”
If your and your partner’s preferences are misaligned, consider how important PDA is to you and whether or not it’s an area in which you’re willing to compromise. “If you’re someone who highly values PDA and your partner is completely opposed, the relationship isn’t necessarily doomed,” says Walker. Only you can decide if a mismatch matters enough to call it quits, but she warns it’s a red flag if someone pushes you to engage in public acts of affection that make you uncomfortable. “That tells you this person lacks respect for your boundaries and feelings. It’s really a matter of consent.”
“If you’re someone who highly values PDA and your partner is completely opposed, the relationship isn’t necessarily doomed,” says Walker.
2. Consider the context.
Veronica, 25, believes the appropriate level of PDA depends on the setting. “I think hand-holding, hugging, and kissing are fine, but no making out unless it’s a late night at a bar or club and everyone’s drunk,” she says. “That’s what I’m comfortable with in my own relationship.” John, 26, agrees that it’s important to consider your surroundings but feels most PDA is OK as long as your partner is on board. “I wouldn’t go shoving my tongue down my girl’s throat in front of small children, but at the bar, if she’s into it, why not?”
There’s a time and place for everything, including intimacy. “Being aware of the context and expectations of the space you’re in matters,” says Walker. For example, it’s far more acceptable to sit on your partner’s lap at a bar than in a church. Still, I personally find it annoying to squeeze past a couple who can’t pull away from each other for 30 seconds when I want to order a margarita. Kevin, a 30-year-old bartender, confirms I’m not alone. “Nothing is worse than two people hooking up at a full bar,” he says. “They usually make everyone around them uncomfortable and ruin the vibe.” A quick check is often all it takes to avoid coming across as impolite or inconsiderate to a room full of people.
3. Respect others’ feelings about your behavior.
“In North American culture, holding hands and small pecks are generally acceptable in public spaces,” says Walker. “Making out, groping, and the like fall under behaviors that tend to make others uncomfortable.” It’s not a tried-and-true rule, but no matter where you are, you want to be mindful of how your behavior might affect those around you and respect the fact that it could be offensive to some people.
“My college boyfriend and I made my roommate extremely uncomfortable when he put his hand in my back jean pocket at the mall,” says Jen, 28. “Once we got home, she sat us down like she was our parent and told us that how we acted in public was disrespectful.” Although Jen didn’t agree, she learned an important lesson. “Looking back now, I think the biggest thing to remember with PDA is it’s not so much what you accept but how you may be offending others around you.”
Short of completely keeping your hands to yourself, there’s no guarantee that any form of PDA won’t make someone uncomfortable. All you can do is scan the environment to make your best guess as to what’s appropriate then attempt to respect everyone’s feelings and boundaries. After all, it’ll probably only be a few hours until you’re home and free to do as you please.