You are currently viewing 19 Ways to stop caring about someone who doesn’t care about you

19 Ways to stop caring about someone who doesn’t care about you

To keep your distance from people and not let them stay in your heart can sometimes seem like an impossible task, but there are some strategies that might help.

Can’t stop thinking about them even though they don’t seem to be thinking about you anymore?

Break ups can be painful; knowing that they don’t seem to care about you as much just rubs salt on the wound.

While this moment stage in your life may be difficult, it doesn’t mean it’s the end.

There are things that you can do to help you overcome this emotional slump.

While it may be much easier said than done, it’s important that you take small steps to process your feelings.

Once you develop the habit of dealing with your feelings, you might even find yourself living a better life.

Don’t waste another second on a person who couldn’t care less about you.

When we want to stop caring about someone, it’s because they’ve hurt us, and we want to feel better and heal. The truth is, we don’t have to stop caring to heal, release, and move on.

According to experts, here are the best ways to stop caring about someone who doesn’t care enough about you.

1. Put Yourself First

Putting yourself first isn’t selfish — it’s necessary.

This doesn’t give you the right, however, to start cutting lines and demanding that the waiter serve your food first.

This just means that you should attend to your feelings, your pains, your experiences first.

After a break up is the most common time for people to begin reflecting on themselves.

It’s natural.

Now that you’re back being single, you’ll need to learn to adjust to the life that comes with it.

That starts with accepting the reality of what happened; your, now, past relationship, and who you are right now.

2. Focus On Your Friends And Family

The thing about our ability to focus is that we can actively choose what to focus on.

Just because your mind wanders to that person doesn’t mean that you aren’t still in control.

You can either feel down because the rose bush has thorns, or you could rejoice because the thorn bush has roses.

Instead of thinking about someone that doesn’t care about you, you can always shift your focus on the people that do.

You can remember your friends and family that stuck by you through your mourning period.

You can go back to the times when they heard you out while you told them of your problems.

There are always going to be people in this world that care about you.

3. Accept What You Feel

If you’re feeling angry, don’t avoid it. If you’re feeling sad, don’t fake your happiness. What you avoid is going to persist and stick with you.

They are feelings left unattended, causing them to linger until you acknowledge them.

If you’re trying to deny that you still love that person, the more that you need to attend to it.

Once you accept your feelings and allow yourself to feel them, you’re more able to process them.

Keeping a journal and writing in it every day has been found to help reduce feelings of depression and anxiety in individuals.

The best part of the journal is that you don’t have to show it to anyone — it’s just you in conversation with yourself. You might find that to be a helpful and healing experience.

4. Detangle your self-worth from the situation

Your worth has nothing to do with how others treat you. How others treat us is a reflection of how they feel about themselves. Part of the reason we hold on to those who “don’t care” is because it reinforces a belief we have about our self-worth.

When you detach those two things, it becomes easier to see the situation for what it is: a hurt person projecting their hurt onto us.

Affirm every day: I am worthy.

5. Let yourself be angry

Anger isn’t the enemy, and our emotions aren’t a threat to our wellbeing. It’s just misunderstood and often misused. Since we are talking about moving through a grieving process of “letting go“ of someone, anger will eventually arise.

Let it out in a healthy way that supports your growth.

  • Journal
  • Create art
  • Punch a pillow
  • Take up a boxing class

6. Shift your focus to all the people in your life who do care about you

Don’t let the one person who doesn’t care about you live rent-free in your mind; they’ve taken enough. Re-claim your power by redirecting your focus to those around you who love you and care about you.

Keep redirecting. You’re re-programming a neural pathway, so it takes time, like training a puppy to come back when it runs off.

7. Return To The Present

When you get broken up with, it can be easy to keep replaying the moment in your head.

It’s playing on a loop in your mind and, as painful as it is, you can’t help but leave it on.

You begin asking yourself “What could I have done better?” or “Where did I go wrong?”.

As meaningful as you may be while asking those questions, nothing is going to come from this.

No amount of replaying and regret is going to change the fact that that person no longer cares about you.

When you accept reality and that what is done is done, you avoid going down that swirling dangerous cycle.

You can’t change what happened before. Return to the present. This is where you can actually do something to change your future.

8. Give Yourself The Respect That You Deserve

It took courage to put yourself out there and be vulnerable. You were merely being true to your feelings.

Who could fault you for being who you were?

For opening yourself up to the person because you believed that they would care for you?

No one could’ve known that you would eventually split up, but you acted despite that.

You had the courage to take the leap.

Not many people are so brave.

Because of that, you need to remember to show yourself the respect that you deserve.

9. Honor that you care

You’re a beautiful being with so much love and empathy in your heart. Honor that you care, honor that you put yourself out there. Rejection doesn’t have to harden us; it can make us stronger, kinder, and quite frankly unstoppable.

If we are no longer afraid to feel, what is there to fear?

10. Find A Healthy Outlet To Express Yourself

Returning to single life doesn’t always have to be a depressing experience.

This is the time to explore; a time for you to step out of your comfort zone and try something new.

Always wanted to try rock climbing but you’re afraid of heights?

Maybe the jolt of adrenaline is just what you need to pick yourself up from the post-break-up slump.

This is why it’s common for men to hit the gym or women to get drastically different hairstyles.

You can redirect your focus towards rebuilding and remodeling yourself.

This is your chance to start fresh in your life.

You might also find it beneficial to keep your schedule filled with activities to help you get your mind off of your ex.

11. Learn From Your Experience

This phase of your life is exactly what it is — a phase.

Your life will keep going. Your story keeps going.

In the grand scheme of your life, you can view your previous relationship as a valuable lesson that you learned.

You can see it as a lesson in love and commitment; a story that you can tell others to teach them how to love honestly.

You can also view your heartbreak as a chance to learn what kind of person is right for you, and what you’re willing to do in a relationship.

Maybe you never realized that you had the capacity to love that much.

Or that you didn’t know how supportive your friends and family can be of you.

It’s in our most difficult and painful moments that shape and strengthen our character.

You have survived this experience and now you’ve grown because of it.

12. Cut Your Ties With Them

Now that they’re gone, they’re off living their own life, and you’re now living yours.

What you can do to guarantee that they won’t distract you and occupy your thoughts anymore is by cutting your ties with them.

Unfollow and unfriend them on social media.

Remove their name from your favorite contacts.

The less that you encounter them in your daily life, the easier it is for you to move on.

You can gather the help of your friends if you don’t feel you’re ready enough to let them go like this.

13. Release Them From Your Mind

When you care about someone, that means they occupy space in your mind.

That’s why people say that they’ll keep you in their thoughts when they want to express their sympathies.

When you stop caring for someone, that doesn’t mean that you have to instantly have to hold a grudge against them.

When you stop caring, it means that you release them. You vacate the spot in your mind that they once occupied.

You accept that they were once a part of your life and now they are not.

You have the choice to stop thinking about them and focus your mind elsewhere.

Now is your chance to fill your mind with new memories and experiences — and they don’t even have to be with other people.

They can be experiences of you treating yourself to a nice dinner or building a new workout routine.

So, to stop caring about someone who doesn’t care about you—you must release them. You must wish them well.

The goal is not to stop caring about them because that would mean you replace that care with hate, bitterness, and unforgiveness. And we all know what those negative feelings do to our own well-being. We get what we give. We receive what we send out—just like a boomerang.

So we must send out love, to those who don’t care about us, to those who hate us, to those who hurt us.

I personally had to learn this the hard way, I was molested as a child by my mother’s boyfriend, and my mother picked him over me after I told her what has been happening for almost three years.

I not only had to learn to forgive the man who hurt me, but I had to learn to forgive my mother, who abandoned me at the age of 14. It was one of the hardest things I had to do, but I begin with this loving-kindness technique.

The following is a simple and effective loving-kindness technique to try:

  • Carve out some quiet time for yourself (5-mins) and sit comfortably. Close your eyes, relax your muscles, and take a few deep breaths.
  • Feeling perfect love for yourself, repeat these three positive, reassuring phrases to yourself:
    • May I be happy
    • May I be healthy
    • May I be at peace
  • Now, think of the person who does not care about you, hurt you and repeat these:
    • May you be happy
    • May you be healthy
    • May you be at peace

14. Practice Self-Love Everyday

While work and catching up with friends can be a nice distraction, you shouldn’t forget about managing your personal, inner life.

Give yourself the chance to sleep in and binge the show that you’ve always been meaning to binge every once in a while.

Or pop on your favorite music and let your emotions guide your dance. Go crazy, dance wonky — it’s just you.

You don’t have to impress anyone.

You can also set daily affirmations to yourself when you wake up.

Tell yourself that you’re going to be productive today; or remind yourself of how strong you are to keep going.

You should always have a space to take care of not only your physical, but mental well-being too.

Eventually, you’ll see the person who didn’t care in a new light, just a person who is in pain. Eventually, they fade into the background of your past and become nothing more than a person you once knew. It’s not that you stop caring; you just started caring more about your wellbeing.

In other words, pull a Taylor Swift and turn your painful experiences into beauty and riches.

14. Take Your Time

Getting over a break up doesn’t happen in a single flash moment. It’s something that you work towards slowly.

One day you’ll wake up and realize that what you once stressed about no longer bothers you as much anymore.

That moment will be worth all your efforts.

While we may seek some belonging; someone to tell us that we’re doing a good job or that we’ll overcome our struggles; at the end of the day, the most important person that you should be caring about is yourself.

15. Identify and acknowledge your feelings for the person

This is the reverse of avoiding your feelings. Be kind with yourself as you identify and accept your thoughts and emotions for what they are without judging yourself for having them. If you love the person, accept that, and don’t spend all your energy trying not to love.

Our minds and body don’t fully integrate our lived experiences if we don’t accept their existence. This contributes to a lack of consciousness, where we don’t make the appropriate associations between experiences, which can lead to us repeating mistakes or missing new opportunities.

Although attempting to control our pain via acts of suppression, avoidance, and/or escape may feel good in the short run, it tends to place us in a small box for which to live.

16. Commit to living

Once we don’t avoid and instead acknowledge our feelings, we are free to live a life outside the small box of fear that may come with the felt rejection of caring for someone who doesn’t care about us.

This commitment to action leads to fuller participation in life that allows us to encounter rewarding experiences that leave past loves and fears where they belong and make room for present and future loves that care equally about us.

17. Walk away when those feelings are not mutual

This piece reminded me of when I was on the dating market, and I got ghosted by someone I thought I developed a deep connection with. Initially, I was rather upset and taken aback by it.

I kept thinking:

  • Was it something I said?
  • Was it something I did?
  • Was it how I looked?
  • Did he meet someone else?
  • Was it the fact I didn’t immediately respond to his message because I was in an all day-workshop (even though I told him I would be in one)?

I noticed how my mind continued to spiral as I wondered if I did something wrong, but then it occurred to me—to consciously flip these self-defeating questions “from what I was doing” to “who is the kind of person I want to be with?”

Do I want to be with someone who randomly stops communicating with me out of the blue without any explanation? No way. Do I want to be with someone who disrespects me? Heck no!

Reframing this in my mind helped me let go of the upset feelings I had and just continue on with my life. Happily, I found the love of my life who does love and respect me. Someone who I can count on to always communicates with me when we are dealing with challenges in our relationship and who I know will work together with me to get through it.

That’s the kind of partner I want and deserve.

I think the most important thing in a potentially painful experience like this is to practice self-love. First and foremost, you have to love yourself to be able to invite a healthy love and relationship into your life. When you rely on someone else to validate your existence and worth, then it will be infinitely harder to walk away from any relationship where that person doesn’t care about you in the same way you care about them.

Have love and respect for yourself to walk away when those feelings are not mutual.

18. Let them go and open that space up in your life for someone new

I wish there were a straightforward answer to this question, but I really don’t think one exists. Rather, it comes down to being honest with yourself about what you feel you deserve in your life.

At the core, most of us believe that we deserve the kind of love, kindness, and friendship that we offer to others. At times, relationships are not always equal. We give more at times, and we take more at other times.

However, when we find ourselves consistently giving without feeling love and appreciation in return, it is time to reevaluate whether a relationship has passed its expiration date.

When we allow ourselves to let go of a person who is no longer bringing us joy or serving and providing us the care we know we deserve, it is okay to stop making an effort. The phone works both ways, and whether you hear from them when you stop calling or texting is a pretty strong message.

Rather than holding onto the ghost of the person that was once a friend, let them go and open that space up in your life for someone new. People come into our lives to teach us things and serve a purpose, but not all of them are meant to be permanent fixtures.

Letting others go pushes us to grow.

The most important relationship anyone can have is with themselves. The foundation of a positive relationship with self is demonstrating self-respect.

When someone has stopped caring about you in the same way you care for them, certainly there can be hurt feelings, and you can become seemingly desperate to the point of accepting all sorts of terrible behaviors.

But we have two great tips to avoid desperation and lowering your self-respect by getting control of the only person you can, yourself:

1. Realize why you are hurting

Expectations are the cornerstone of hurt feelings because it is in our expectations that we build a fantasy story about what will be, how it will unfold, and of course, the happy ending to our story. This is especially true in a caring relationship between two people.

When people are no longer aligned in a relationship, the hurt feelings come about largely because of these unmet expectations.

Therefore the first step to stop giving all your care to a person who no longer cares for you is to understand what the expectation was in the first place. We suggest you write this down. List out all the expectations you had with this person. Be very detailed and think about how those would have made you feel.

This cleansing of expectations will set you up for success in your self-esteem while revealing what is causing your upset feelings. We find it is far easier to let go of someone when you know why you are holding on to them in the first place. A bonus to this exercise is to see a blueprint unfold for the kind of right partner you want to link with in the future. We like two-fold solutions!

2. Look forward and make a new vision without them in it

Another key step to letting someone go is to look forward and make a new vision without them in it. Often after a breakup or divorce, we see people cling to what was in the past. They continuously talk about how things were, how good the love was once, and they tend to dwell in a place of regret for all they have lost.

Then, they use this past to start complaining and becoming emotional about what will never be again with this person. Not being able to let go of someone is linked largely to this dwelling in good past memories that will never be again.

There is a saying that the rearview mirror in a car is so small because you are not going that way. For the same reason, the windshield in your car is far larger because it is where the future is coming from. In your life, the same is true. Log the memories with this person, honor them, then let it go and realize that ahead of you is a roadway of possibilities.

We hope these two steps help you take control of yourself and your future. There is a beautiful and bright future for every person who takes the wheel of their own life and drives.

19. Lasso the gift of your care and give it to yourself

For those of us with big hearts, it is natural for us to care and to care deeply for others. One of the greatest and hardest lessons for us is learning to appreciate the treasure of our deep and generous hearts.

We all know that everyone wants to be cared for, loved, and appreciated, and that includes us. The irony is that often the ones (you and me) who are so good at connecting and caring, find ourselves not receiving back the very gift we give so generously.

I have been humbly learning this lesson over and over. After many decades of personal practice and helping others in my relationship coaching practice, here is my hard-earned “wisdom” and suggestions on how to release and realign your relationship with yourself.

Take some time to really get to know your heart

The part of you that loves to nurture, care for, and connect with others. There may be some layers of wounding around this precious part of who you are, and you may need some help recognizing if your way of caring has been a coping mechanism to cover up these deep hurts.

“If I care enough for you, you will finally come and give me the care I never received when I was young,” is the most classic one.

Finally, if you truly feel overwhelmed by this situation, try and talk to someone, like a person you trust or a therapist. Say something like “Something’s wrong I feel (emotion). I’m worried I may be depressed. Can we talk?” to your friends/family, or speak to a helpline if you’re feeling alone.

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