“Why is he ignoring me?”
Are you asking yourself this question?
There are few things more painful than being ignored. It’s especially hurtful when you’re being ignored by someone you’re dating. In fact, in can cause an intense physical reaction. Tightness in your chest, butterflies in your stomach, and having trouble sleeping are all afflictions associated with being ignored.
Look. Guys have ups and downs, just like girls, but what if this isn’t just another mood swing?
What if this guy is ignoring you for another reason?
If you suspect something is off with your guy, you’ve no doubt spend countless nights worried that he is going to up and leave.
The worrying stops now.
In order to prevent yourself from freaking out and wasting any more of your precious time thinking about this, we’re going to give you a fool-proof list of reasons why this might be happening.
And then we’re going to strongly suggest you talk to your guy and find out from the horse’s mouth what’s really going on. It’s honestly the only way to find out.
But why would someone you’re dating ignore you in the first place? There are many reasons why he might be giving you the cold shoulder. If you’re stuck wondering, ‘Why is he ignoring me?’, here are a few factors that might be at play:
1. You said something that is making him second-guess the relationship.
While it’s not easy to admit, you could have said something that is making him wonder if this relationship is really for him.
Sure, he could have gone about it a little more adult-like, but you win some, you lose some.
Nobody said grown-ass men know how to communicate any better than the rest of us. We just assume that.
Stop assuming. Start talking to him.
2. He’s punishing you
When someone is intentionally ignoring you to punish you, it’s because he wants you to feel the pain that uncertainty provokes. He may be motivated by revenge; he feels that you’ve ignored him, so he’s doing the same. If you’re mid-argument, he might be ignoring you until the situation calms down, especially if he’s uncomfortable with conflict or feels the war of words is getting you nowhere. Even so, being ignored when you’re angry is incredibly frustrating and not a healthy way to solve a dispute. The best relationships are built on communication. If your partner is unwilling to engage with you to resolve issues and prefers to ignore you then you should reconsider whether they are mature enough to be in a relationship with you.
3. You did something that made him think twice.
Again, it might not have been what you said, but what you did.
Maybe you were dirty dancing with a long-time friend on the dance floor and he got jealous.
Maybe you were laughing and carrying on with someone and he thought you were flirting.
First, he needs to get his trust issues sorted out, but second, you can imagine what that must have been like for him and suddenly everything makes sense.
4. He’s having a weird day.
Guys are human beings too, no matter how much we like to joke that they come from another planet.
They have feelings and they have good days and bad days like anyone else.
He might be pulling away from you so he doesn’t take whatever this is out on you.
5. He’s busy
This is an easy one that most people often forget to think about: he’s just tied up.
It may sound like an excuse but, if he’s ignoring you, he could just be busy. Consider the context. Are you texting in the middle of a busy work day? Do you know he’s heading to the gym straight after work and won’t be able to answer your call? Nobody should be contactable all the time. It’s virtually impossible to properly focus on what you’re doing if you’re on the phone at the same time. If this causes tension in your relationship, set expectations early on. If your partner works long-hours, agree never to leave a message unanswered for more than 24 hours. That way, you’ll be better able to judge whether he is ignoring you intentionally or life has got in the way.
6. He’s not sure what he wants.
He might not know what he wants in a relationship and rather than hurt you, he is trying to keep you at arm’s length.
It’s hard to say for sure why he’s hesitating, but if he is withdrawing, it doesn’t mean he’s got one foot out the door. It could just mean he needs time to process his feelings.
7. He’s cheating on you.
Now for the hard ones: he could be cheating on you.
If he’s hiding things from you and he doesn’t tell you where he is, what he’s doing or who he is with and you only hear from him when he suddenly has time for you, it could be worse than you think.
The hard part is that there’s only one way to know and you have to trust that when you confront him, he’ll be honest.
8. He needs some space
Even the closest couples need space sometimes. He might not be used to constant contact or is having a stressful day that he’s rather deal with himself than take out on you. The amount of space someone needs in a relationship depends on the person. It might even vary depending on what else is going on in their lives. Try to determine what kind of man you’re dating. Are they an introvert who needs plenty of alone time to recharge? Or an extrovert who is rarely alone? Once you’ve established this, you’ll be better placed to judge whether they’re really ignoring you or just taking space.
9. He doesn’t like your friends.
It might not be you at all – and it might not be him – it might be the company you’re both keeping. If you don’t get along with his friends, he might want time to be with them.
He might not know how to tell you that his friends don’t like you or he might not know how to tell his friends you don’t like them!
You all might just need to spend more time together or less time together. He might be trying to keep the peace.
10. He heard something about you.
This is low, but he might have heard something from someone and believed it.
Of course, he should have asked you about it, but you’ve got to understand that not everyone is as woke as you are and as open-minded or frank.
If he’s struggling with something he learned about you, you might never know. Best to just ask him what’s his problem and deal with whatever comes out of his mouth.
11. He’s trying to break up with you
We would always advocate breaking up with someone face-to-face, but the reality is that some people would rather fade out of a relationship than end it properly. If you feel him pulling away and making excuses not to see you, then he’s using ignoring you as a break-up method. He’s hoping that you’ll eventually get fed up of being ignored and end the relationship yourself. Or you’ll just stop trying and the relationship will fizzle out without any kind of confrontation. It’s one of the worst ways to break-up with someone but, at least you can take comfort in the fact that you’re free to find someone who would never ignore you instead.
12. He’s just not that into you
The truth is, when a man likes you, he’ll let you know. It can be a difficult truth to accept. We often choose to believe that someone is just busy or naturally ‘bad’ at texting, which is why they are ignoring us. But do you really want to be with someone who puts contacting you at the bottom of his to-do list? Everyone has bad days but, in the early days of a relationship, there’s no reason why he should be ignoring you. And if he is, then he’s either still playing games and not ready for a long-lasting relationship or just not that into you.
13. You’re not who he thought you were.
Love, at first sight, is a romantic notion but that love often doesn’t last longer than the first encounter.
Second encounters are often letdowns and can leave someone feeling like they’ve made a terrible mistake.
If you’re were all hot and bothered in the booth at the bar that night but in the light of day you see he’s not who you thought he was, consider that he might have the same experience and not know how to tell you otherwise.
14. He’s with someone else.
Another reason he might not be texting you back is that he’s with someone else. Now before you get getting your panties in a knot about WHO he is with, consider he might be with his mother or sister or a friend.
It doesn’t always mean he’s with another girl.
And so what if he is? You’re secure enough in who you are that you don’t need to freak out if he is hanging out with someone else.
The real question is do you trust him?
15. He doesn’t know what to say.
Sometimes guys just don’t know how to handle all the attention they get from a girl they really like.
This one isn’t all bad: he might just need a few minutes to compose himself or figure out what to say so he doesn’t screw this up.
You might want to ask him if he prefers to speak on the phone instead of texting. It might be hard for him to ensure clear communication via text message.
It might be that he doesn’t want to disappoint you.
How to Handle things When Your Guy is Ignoring You
If you’re getting the cold shoulder from your guy, you’re no doubt worried about the future of your relationship.
If you’re struggling to figure out what to do about his ignorance, you’re not alone.
This is uncharted territory for a lot of women, especially if your guy is the type to shower you with attention.
What changed? Have his feelings changed? Did you do something to upset him? And most importantly you probably want to know if he’s going to leave you, right?
It’s hard to know, but one thing’s for sure, you can do a lot to mitigate this situation and take control.
If your guy is keeping you at arm’s length or ignoring you to the point of concern, keep reading.
We’ve put together a list of things you can do to handle the situation and move forward.
1. Don’t let it simmer.
Whatever you do, don’t ignore his ignoring you!
Some girls will sit on the sidelines and hope Romeo comes around to his senses, but the truth is that if you don’t tackle this problem head-on, it will only get worse.
He might interpret your ignorance as a lack of caring, even though that’s what you think is going on with him.
Rather than beat around the bush, it’s best to confront this problem head-on and talk to him about it.
Speak up and tell him what you think. He’ll either confirm something is wrong or he won’t, but either way, you’ll have done your part to save your sanity.
2. Try something different.
When it comes to relationships sometimes things change. Your needs can change and so can his.
If he was upfront and open with you when your relationship started but now you feel like you’re getting the cold shoulder all the time, you might try approaching him in a different way.
For example, if you never talk on the phone and only text, but you’re getting nowhere with his texting, try picking up the phone to call him.
It might seem out of the blue but all you can do at this point is let him know how much you care and a phone call accomplishes that pronto.
3. Make your man feel like a hero
If you want your man to stop ignoring you and to fall back in love with you, you must make him feel like your provider and protector, and someone you genuinely admire.
In other words, you have to make him feel like a hero (not exactly like Thor though).
I know it sounds a bit silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.
And I couldn’t agree more.
But here’s the ironic truth. Men do still need to be a hero. Because it’s built into their DNA to seek out relationships that allow them to feel like a provider.
Men have a thirst for your admiration. They want to step up to the plate for the woman in their lives and service, provide and protect her. This is deeply rooted in male biology.
And the kicker?
A man won’t fall in love with a woman when this thirst isn’t satisfied.
He wants to see himself as a provider. As someone you genuinely want and need to have around. Not as a mere accessory, ‘best friend’, or ‘partner in crime’.
If you don’t make him feel this, he will feel like less of a man. Emasculated. And your man will lose interest in you over time.
There’s actually a psychological term for what I’m talking about here. It’s called the hero instinct. This term was coined by relationship psychologist James Bauer.
Now, you can’t trigger his hero instinct just by giving him admiration next time you see him. Men don’t like receiving participation awards for showing up. Trust me.
A man wants to feel like he has earned your admiration and respect.
You have to find ways to make him feel like your hero. There’s an art to doing this which can be a lot of fun when you know exactly what to do. But it requires a little more work than just asking him to fix your computer or carry your heavy bags.
The best way to learn how to trigger the hero instinct in your guy is to watch this free online video. James Bauer gives a terrific introduction to his concept.
If you can trigger this instinct successfully, then you’ll see the results immediately.
When a man genuinely feels like your hero, he’ll become more loving, attentive, and interested in being in a committed, long-term relationship with you.
The hero instinct is a subconscious drive men have to gravitate toward people who make him feel like a hero. But it’s amplified in his romantic relationships.
Some ideas really are life-changing. And for romantic relationships, this is one of them. That’s why you should watch this free online video where you can learn how to trigger the hero instinct.
4. Tell him what you need.
Rather than let him dictate the parameters around your relationship, get up the gumption to tell him what you need from him.
If he has a hard time communicating or if he’s shy, he needs to step it up to be with you. Plain and simple.
Sometimes guys don’t say much because they don’t realize there’s anything important to say, but to girls, communication is vital for a successful relationship.
Tell him what you need and if he can’t be that for you and insists this is just the way he is, move on.
5. Be vulnerable.
It’s hard to admit that something might be wrong in your relationship but in order to get through what is hopefully just a rough patch, you’re going to have to be mighty honest about what you want and where you think this relationship is going.
If you don’t talk to him about your concerns and risk rejection, you won’t know if there’s anything you can do to make things better.
Of course, there is always the risk that he’s ignoring you because he’s ready to move on himself and is too much of a coward to say it out loud, but for now, give him the benefit of the doubt that whatever is bothering him requires his attention.
6. Let him go.
In order to come out of this in one piece, you have to decide how you feel about the whole thing before you talk to him.
If you’re just going to pick a fight for the sake of picking a fight and you know you’re leaving him anyway, then don’t bother. If you think this relationship is worth saving then do the work to save it.
But whatever you do, don’t leave the decisions in his hands.
Know your bottom line going into the conversations – if you can get him to talk to you, that is – and if you can’t, consider yourself dumped and move on.
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