How You can Get your Ex back?
I know you want your ex back. But you’re also thinking about moving on. You know that person has faults but your heart still tells you to go back, thinking about how good they are sometimes. You just want to be with that person again, for better or for worse. And guess what? More than 80% of us think of that when we break up.
Unpopular opinion: Troy and Gabriella’s relationship in “High School Musical” is B.S. Don’t get me wrong: I totally loved the movie growing up. But it always bothered me how those two would break up and then just reunite seamlessly in the end. Where was the communication about their issues, like Troy hurting Gabriella, thus making her feel unimportant? What happened to the scene where they agreed upon a way to make each other feel valued?
Hollywood gets a lot wrong about relationships in general, and that’s perhaps never more true than when it comes to two people getting back together. Movies tend to depict an intense breakup, followed by a reunion that pushes aside all the couples’ previous issues. This is not only unrealistic, but also unhealthy. However, there are healthy ways to reenter a relationship, all of which include putting in the time to work through previous problems and considering seeking out professional advice.
We do want to note that this is presuming you broke up because of circumstances — like becoming long-distance, cheating etc — and it’s never a good idea to rekindle a relationship that was unhealthy or unsafe.
Trust me, break ups isn’t easy to handle. You cry, and maybe even look up to the sky, maybe even pray and think, ‘Please… Just let me get back with my ex. I hope my ex is just making a mistake and he/she wasn’t thinking it through. I know we are perfect for each other. I want to just call my ex up and say “I love you”.’ Then you look at your phone every half an hour, check your messenger, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and heck… email inbox, to see if your ex would want to talk to you, all ready to get back together.
STOP. IT’S ALL IN YOUR HEAD.
Guess what? Your ex wanted to break up with you because he/she thinks that something is wrong in the relationship. That’s it’s not going to work out.
Well, at least, your ex thinks that you’re not worth the effort.
Sorry to break it to you, honey, that’s the hard truth.
So how can you get your ex back if they think you’re not worth it?
You need to make them feel you are worth it.
You need to increase your value.
You need to make them feel you’re too busy for them because (a) your life is wonderful (b) you have many people who would want to be with you.
You need to make your ex feel that you love yourself. If you love yourself, people will love you, including your ex.
Here’s what you have to do:
Don’t contact your ex
your ex would think he/she is the best person for you. This act just confirms to your ex that you are not that good, nobody else wants you, and it just confirms to your ex it’s right to have left you.
Don’t post negativity on social media
First, your acquaintances will unfollow you and seeing the negativity, they won’t even want to go near you or introduce new people to you. Second, new friends will all know that you’re sad and don’t want to know you more or else they’ll get infected with your sadness. Third, for the friends who really care about you — you can just go the traditional way and meetup with them and cry your eyes out.
It’s really stupid to get more attention by being negative. No one likes to give that kind of attention.
Don’t just get into relationships easily
I know you feel hurt and you probably feel worthless right now because you feel like your ex doesn’t want you. You are eager to feel loved and hopefully ‘My ex will know that I’m in another relationship and my ex will feel jealous, and will beg to come back.’ STOP. That’s not self-love. That’s called my-ex-is-still-the-center-of-my-universe. Everything you do is because you want to get your ex back. But actually, everything you do from now on, should be focused on yourself.
It may seem like they’re contradictory — To get your ex back by not trying to get him/her back.
That’s exactly the point.
That’s what makes us human.
You always want what you don’t get.
And you always want what you think is good for you. So how can you make yourself better? You can start from appearance (new haircut, new clothes, go work out in the gym, eat healthier, etc) and a good attitude/be open-minded and learn new things. Upgrade yourself with your outer appearance and inner attitude. Be the best version of yourself. Go out with friends and meet new people. So now you’re Version 2.0, you need to Flaunt it to others. Get out more!
Start doing something that’s been on your mind
You need to have the courage to do what you love. That’s the most important point to love yourself.
For example, if you’ve always wanted to try horse-riding, start learning it. Enroll for a course.
If you wanted to start a business, it’s time to start learning how to do that and surround yourself with people who are doing the same.
If you wanted to try that new restaurant and want to do a pedicure, go do it.
This is the time where you just have to care about yourself.
When you go out or have new experiences, take pictures of your new and improved appearance. When you’re doing your favourite things, take a picture. You can also take pictures with your friends. Be happy. Then post on social media like instagram or facebook. This will help you attract new friends too! Your ex may or may not see these photos. Who cares? You’re enjoying yourself and you will attract more like-minded people. But please don’t post too much. Posting once every two days is a good amount to not annoy others while showing your amazing life.
While you are doing all these, don’t even try to think about your ex or what he/she would like. Do what YOU like. Be the best version of yourself.
Don’t be surprised if your ex starts contacting you again in whichever way. Most of them do.
And when he/she contacts you again, just treat them like an acquaintance, never treat them like an ex. Be nice. If you don’t feel that you’re ready to speak to him/her, then just ignore it. If they ask to meet, don’t do that because although you look all healed, I know it will still hurt when you meet again.
Don’t just start the relationship again after only a few calls/contact.
After all, your value is much higher now. Your ex is just another pursuer. Let them wait a while and take as much time as you want to evaluate the person again before you get back. You might even find someone who loves you more that your ex!
For those whose relationships were, at one time, healthy and safe and are thinking about continuing a past romantic plotline, here’s how to finish the script.
Talk about the first try.
In order to change, you have to sort through what happened when you were last an item. “Ideally, couples begin by addressing what went wrong the first time around and agree to be attentive to those problems,” This is also the time to bring up any doubts you have about trying again and not hold back on expressing yourself — whether that’s speaking to personal insecurities created from the initial breakup or having painful conversations about previous patterns of behavior.
Learn the relationship skills you lack.
“The actual nuts and bolts of running a relationship is heavy-duty emotional labor. In essence, love is not enough. Love is an incentive, but you need the skills,” These skills include communication, actively listening to your partner, and learning how to manage your own issues. Most times, when a relationship ends, it’s because you or your partner (or both) lack the emotional resources to continue it. These could include not understanding how to ask your partner for things you need, not being willing to talk about what upsets you, or not understanding how to find healthy compromises. If you are struggling with understanding what skills one or both of you lack, consider seeking help from a professional to pinpoint and build them.
It’s a time to focus on the partnership aspect of the relationship, not the romance. Instead of discussing where you want to go on dates, talk about how much time you want to spend together each week. And always make sure to end these “meetings” on a positive note. I suggest doing this by giving your partner a compliment or calling out something you love about them.
Look for the change.
To see progress within this rekindled relationship, you need to look for evidence of how you or your partner has changed. “Apologizing means nothing unless it is accompanied by an actual feasibility statement of what the person is willing to do differently,”
Treat the relationship like it’s new.
Although you have history, it’s important you distinguish this relationship from your first in order to (re)build a foundation of trust. “Let each other know what makes you feel loved and safe, and then see if [the other person] can follow through on those things consistently,” take things slowly than you did the first time — so you don’t feel pressured to hop back into the same intense connection you once had.
This fresh-start mentality also extends to shaping your relationship to fulfill your needs, which have likely changed.
Rekindled relationships require attention, practice, and the willingness to be vulnerable and change behaviors on both sides. Hollywood might not get it right, but that doesn’t mean you can’t.
The point is, as fated and passionate as getting back together can feel, there were still reasons you broke up in the first place, and now’s the time to tackle them. But hey, when you’re with the person you want to be with, you already know you’re down to try again.
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