I really do believe there are more Christian single women prepared to be married than there are Christian single men. When you walk into a church, there are guys there. But there are usually more women.
If you’re anything like me, you’ve always heard your parents or older people that have invested themselves in your life tell you that you need to find a Godly man. My dad always told me when I was growing up:
“Find a lady who loves God more than she loves you, and loves you more than I love you.”
Being a “good guy” doesn’t cut it. If you have ever had a relationship where you knew you weren’t always being treated the way that you should or been in a relationship in which you couldn’t share your faith with your partner, it’s okay. Don’t feel condemned or ashamed about it, but know that you deserve better. For me, I didn’t know what better looked like. So to save you the trouble, I’m going to share with you what I have learned.
So it can be a challenge for a single Christian woman who wants to get married. The options can be limited. With all that said, there are still great Christian guys out there. I think one reason, besides their scarcity, guys like this are hard to find is because women sometimes overvalue certain qualities and undervalue other important qualities.
Here are 3 underrated qualities in a man:
1. A Good Christian Husband Has a Strong Work Ethic
One quality that many Christian men possess that is often undervalued is a strong work ethic. While many guys have this quality, it is becoming rarer to find these days. Men are not raised like they used to be. Work is valued less and “dreams” and “passions” are valued more.
While I’m not here to diminish following your dream or pursuing a passion, I do believe there is often an imbalance with many men these days. It almost seems like you are doing something wrong if you just wake up every day and go to a job you are not in love with. People make it seem like you are wasting your life if you that.
So I’m not saying it is wrong for our culture to emphasize pursuing your passions and dreams. I just believe our culture, including the church, has failed to adequately teach young men the value of faithfully working even if you don’t particular love your job. A man who goes to work every day should be celebrated rather than told he is doing something wrong by not “pursuing his dreams.”
Why can’t you do both? Why can’t you go to work and write your book? Why can’t you go to work and play in a band? Why can’t you go to work and help out at the church? If you get married to a man who does not have a strong work ethic, the longer your marriage lasts the more you will grow frustrated with him.
It might not seem like a sexy trait if your boyfriend just wakes up every day and goes to work. But when you are married, you have a little family, and you have a mortgage – you are definitely going to value his faithfulness to providing a paycheck.
2. A Good Christian Husband Is a Good Listener
In my opinion, it seems like the guys most Christian girls are interested in are those Christian guys who are really articulate, talkative, charismatic, and know how to express themselves well. I get it. I’m not trying to say it’s wrong for a Christian girl to be attracted to a guy like this. But I think these types of guys are pretty rare. So if you hold out for a guy who can preach a sermon, lead people in worship, or hold a conversation just as long as you, then you might be waiting a long time.
Another important trait in a good husband besides expressiveness is the ability to really listen. I think there are more Christian men with the ability to be good listeners than there are Christian men who have the ability to be really expressive.
While you might think it would be amazing to have a husband you could stay up late chitchatting with about all the different topics under the son, what you will truly crave in marriage is a man who loves you enough to listen well.
One mistake I made a lot early on in my marriage was not really listening to Bethany that well because I was too busy coming up with ways to fix the problems or concerns she was tell him about. She would tell me about her workday or what happened while she was volunteering at church and I would jump in with a suggestion on how to improve the situation.
She would then get frustrated with me but I couldn’t understand why. It took me awhile to figure out that she wasn’t talking to me about her problems to get my advice. She just wanted to share her experience with me. As a man I really couldn’t understand this. I usually don’t talk about my problems unless I want to solve them. Bethany, however, feels better if she knows I understand how she’s feeling. She doesn’t need me to fix it most times. She needs me to listen.
Some guys can’t help but to start talking over you. When you start talking about your day, they think that’s the cue for them to also start talking about their own day. You may be attracted to a man who talks a lot, but you might just fall in love with a man when you give him the opportunity to listen to you.
3. A Good Christian Husband Is Kind
Perhaps one of the best qualities many Christian guys possess but which goes undervalued is kindness. There’s even an undercurrent sometimes in churches that makes fun of the “nice guy.” As an overreaction to the pacified man, many pastors can make you feel like a Christian guy should no longer be nice. He’s supposed be bold, strong, and unafraid. He’s supposed to have a beard, drive a truck, and brew his own bear.
While I’m not saying a woman should only want a guy who wears khakis, presses his shirts, and drives a fuel-efficient car, I think the “nice guy” is often overlooked by Christian women. I’m not talking about exteriors here. Every one of us is attracted to a certain style. To each his own on all that. I’m just saying that “kindness” may not get a guy noticed, but it should.
When you get married and things are tough, you will value a man who has self-control and refuses to speak disrespectfully to you no matter how intense the argument. The world is a hard, cold place. When you come the last thing you will want is to be greeted by a cold, hard man. If you need to trade a few points of sexy to get a man who has a higher score on the kindness scale, I would recommend you do that.
I’m not saying physical attraction is unimportant for Christians. I’m just saying kindness should be a really important quality a girl values in her man.
Where Are All the Good Christian Men?
While I do believe it’s genuinely hard to find a good Christian man you want to marry, I also believe there are more good Christian guys out there than some women think. Sometimes you will see how great a guy actually is when you start looking at what qualities he does possess rather than focusing so much on what he does not possess.
If a Christian man has a strong work ethic, is a good listener, and is kind, I would recommend you at least give him a chance.
Your can share you opinions – Lets get the conversation going!
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