Are you feeling trapped in a mental prison?
Some abuse is not easy to detect and it can be deceptive. The reason is that when we hear the two words “domestic abuse” we think of a physical assault on the body. Yes, we understand the mental aspects and the variables which so influence the mind when one is physically assaulted, but we take this more indifferently. The danger of physical abuse can’t be disputed, but we can’t discount the psychological impact either. Where there is a pattern of behavior when one person is intimidated, overawed or imperiled, this is abuse. If your partner does something that frightens you and they apologize, this is an incident, not abuse. If this a repeat, it’s abuse. The most common form of psychological aggression by an intimate partner that is encountered by male and female sufferers diversifies, according to the National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey. For women, it is being called names like ugly and dumb (64.3 percent) and for men, it is being tracked by their spouse (63.1 percent). No matter how you look at it, abuse is detrimental both physically and mentally. Consider these 6 subtle behaviors you may not know that are abusive.
1 .They Don’t Support Your Dreams
If you are looking to quit your job and join a band, your spouse has a point to be concerned. However, if your lover reacts to your dreams with disdain and makes snide remarks about your career and life goals, this is a sign that they are being scurrilous. Anger, bitterness, unforgiveness and eventually breaking up may all result from not allowing individuality. Everyone needs to a lead a life that fulfills their potential as individuals. When a person doesn’t support this, it’s a red flag. It can be their narcissism, vulnerability and other elements that are causing them to not support you. Sometimes it is a lack of discussion that causes our spouses to not understand our dreams. We need to confront in a non-combative way to communicate our passions. Without following our aspirations we lose a sense of ourselves and start feeling a shortage of hope.
2. They Isolate You
A reliable tactic of a controlling person is to stealthily get you isolated. It doesn’t start off like this, it starts out being flattering because they covet you so much. For example, they might monitor your calls or texts without you knowing it. Then they might try to occupy all your time and a person will start losing their social life outside of the relationship. The person will allow themselves to be cut off from friends and family until one day they are isolated because they only invested in their love life. When they are confronted they will tell you that it’s because they love you that they want to spend so much time with you alone. This is a deception of the abuser to keep you unbalanced and weak.
3. They Withhold Affection
An emotional abuser denies love to get you to do what they want. No matter what you do it’s never good enough. This can be making dinner and or not keep the house clean enough to their unattainable criteria. The ramifications of this will be withdrawing emotionally from you. They may take money away and stop from showing signs of concern. What happens is you feel like a failure and become uneasy when you don’t do things precisely because of rejection. You may work to amend your shortcomings only to find out that they are still angry. They may also give you the silent treatment to make you feel dejected. The sad thing is that this all works against the victim and it will take down your self-esteem. They could even threaten to leave you if things don’t shape up, but this is a misapprehension on their part.
4. They Blame You
An emotional abuser doesn’t want to hear about your pain, except to reinforce that you are the one who causes them to question you. They will fault you for everything that you do, good or bad. The reasons are simple in their mind as it is always the another person’s weakness. In a healthy relationship, a person will empathize to understand where you’re coming from and will discuss the matter with you. But an abuser will not accept anything contrary to being right and will stand their ground. If your spouse has a tendency to go into a rage when confronted or if the person starts to bully you, seek help and call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline. If the association has gotten to this point, you need to run out the door, not walk.
5. They Mute You
People erroneously believe that being in a mentally abusive relationship is not as bad as having a physically abusive connection. This is a big misconception as an emotional abuser will make a person so nervous that they will fear everything that they say. It may have started out with a verbal correction and then came the criticisms. Over time when any human is subjected to this treatment they will feel less vital in life. You may not notice this fear in the relationship when in public because the perpetrator is smart to not allow onlookers to see the truth. Most likely the victim will not want to spark a fight, so they sit in muteness.
6. They Make You Feel Guilty
Being proactive is not a repugnant attribute. Once you realize this, it can be remarkably liberating. But getting to this point takes time for many people as they believe all of this is their liability. The person is a hostage in the relationship without the bars. Sometimes when the victim does take the gantry, the threats of fear of not making it on their own make them succumb to the oppression. Your logical mind knows that you have no reason to feel guilty and sorry for them. Maybe they never had a good home life and so forth. You need to re-channel that guilt and get out of the relationship as this is just another snare to enslave you.
Escaping an abusive relationship is the best thing you can do for the sake of your mental health. In the name of clarity and hope, it’s fine to mourn the death of a relationship. Yet, you are also waving goodbye to the past and to the pain that you are currently living in. Find a team of people to talk you through the steps and the process towards restoration so life can be about liberty, not a place of confinement and brutality.
By Corine Gatti
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